CoNTaCT!!!!

It begins...

With the eyes... Compelling you to come closer... Calling Out! Inviting!!

Your head tilts... left or right depending on the contact...

Your lips part... ever so slowly... and so minute that it's barely noticeable... obvious only to...

Now close enough... the nose...the smells it intakes heightens all previous sensations... so sweet, so good, so..... ummmmmm...

Your brain is impatient.... when is it going to happen... anticipating...

Your face gets hot...

And just when you think... this is going to take forever...

KAAAAAAABOOOOOOOMMMMMMM!!! CONTACT!!!!

Your skin... it gets warmer... the tingles start in your crown... Your hands ball into fists in an attempt to make them stop... but they continue to work their way to... your stomach... your center... your tights, your legs, and toes... while you try real hard not to let them show! ... but you can't help yourself...

Your hands... they just can't seem to find a place that satisfies you... shoulders, no... back, not quite... neck, ummm maybe... cheek, close... real close, but not completely satisfying...

Your heart goes into overdrive... as a result...

You think your blood volume doubled... because you feel the [deoxygenated blood from your body flow through the superior and inferior vena cava(s) to the right atrium through the tricuspid Av valve into the right ventricle to the pulmonary valve through the pulmonary artery into the pulmonary vein to the left atrium into the bicuspid ( mitral) valve through the left ventricle into the aortic valve to the aorta and finally returning the oxygenated blood to the body]...

Your senses are heightened...

Your center... moistened...

Your legs weakened...

... and just when you feel... CONTACT... TOO MUCH...you separate...

And right before you start to miss it all.....

The cycle starts all over again...aaaaaaaahhhhhhh!!!

There's nothing like Human Contact!!!

AAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!

Tell me something...

Why is it that we always gravitate towards the things that we know have great potential to cause us pain????
Why do we want the things that we know we can't have????
The signs are there.... and sometimes they are blatantly obvious....
But because we've filled our heads with "what ifs", "maybe this", "maybe that", "I need this", "I need that","maybe you...not just you but you AND I are wrong",..... and believe me the possibilities are endless... endless I tell you...
Enough so that you want to.... you just want to sssssscccccccrrrrrreeeeeeeaaaaaaaaammmmmmm.... and pull your hair.... and hit something.... rip things apart......until...
You forget just how frustrating and painful things really are because the light has managed to ever so sensually seep through the crack for a fraction of a second and you're temporarily blinded...
You no longer remember the pain, the frustrations, the fog, the questions, the uncertainty, the feelings of unworthiness and being mediocre (misplaced as they may be but real nonetheless) that are daily torments...
But the light is so bright and invoke such a tremendous feeling of contentment that even though you know... with the same certainty that you will take your next breath, that the sun rises in the morning, that GOD is real... that the light's existence is ephemeral you still allow it to feed that warm feeling inside of you that.... makes you want something that you know has the potential to cause you great pain... makes you want something that you know that you can't have....
WHY???????
WHY???????
Heart heavy... you convince yourself that it is better to not care beyond a certain point... because once you've past that threshold not only are you in uncharted territory....(choke) you're not SURE if the excruciating pain that will follow is even worth IT.
All this... the uncertainty, the "not being sure", the unwillingness to live with regrets keeps this cycle going until YOU... ONLY YOU... can say ENOUGH is ENOUGH.

BUT WILL ENOUGH EVER... EVER BE ENOUGH???