Always smiling
Never Frowning
Nice & Neutral she always remains
Innate to her being is a joy for life
Enjoying every emotional era... while
Omitting all negative auras
Spontaneous yet always calculating
Amusing yet so easily amused
Magnificently loyal and
Unphased by the atrociousness of the world
Dreaming for a better tomorrow
Imagining a peaceful world today
Afraid to trust for fear of...
Pain so unimaginable recovery is unattainable
Always wishing upon a star
Reaching for the impossible
Amazingly courageous yet...
Incapable of standing up for herself
Sensitive to her core
Oblivious to the pain inflicted by others
Never EVER dwelling on the negative...
Monday, January 30, 2012
Monday, October 3, 2011
How Funny Life Can Be...
From the day I started college I had a PLAN.
I would graduate at 21 and begin graduate school immediately.
After satisfying all of my grad school requirements, I would meet the perfect man for me. We'd date for 4 years and be engaged for 1-2 years then I'd get married at 29-30... Have my first child at 32 and adopt my second one (who I want to be older than the child I give birth to) by age 35.
LOL... What actually happened was...
Graduated college without a clue as what I wanted to do professionally and started teaching. I moved in with a new roommate, sometimes roommates, every year until 3 years after graduation I ended up in my boss's house (the result of a slight run-in with some identity thieves and the kindness of the human heart). So October 3rd, 2011, at 24 (25 in 3 weeks which will find me in Las Vegas for the first time ever) finds me in my boss's living room starting a website to share the intriguing details of my life almost a quarter of a century later....
"A Picture is Worth a Thousand Words"...
Life is neither good nor bad...
... it is neither angelic nor devilish
... happy or sad
... thrilling or boring
Is it possible for one's core to tighten from excitement if boredom has always been unknown?
Is it possible to discern happiness if one's never felt sadness?
Would you recognize the goodness in the people around you if you weren't aware of the ugliness of the world?
Life is all of those things and more...
The beautiful things are much more beautiful because of the ugly...
The happy moments much more joyous because of the sadness of the tragedies...
The adventures much more exciting due to the spent dull times
That picture is how I get through life... with a smile and a drink :)
Friday, December 10, 2010
Friend
Do I use the term loosely or are people just untrustworthy?
I'll have to go with the latter... Because (yes I'll tut my own horn) I'm a wonderful friend to have in your corner and losing my trust demotes you to an acquaintance...
I know we've all heard it before but still I must say it...
Trust is one of the most difficult thing to build in all relationships and yet the easiest to destroy.
Last night I got a phone call that completely obliterated my trust in someone I thought was a friend. Why would a "friend" purposely twist facts to make an innocent exchange into something malicious? I don't know.. all I know is I don't have an ounce of "Fake" in me. Ask Ms. Hill-Hill :)
I'm sorry I'm venting I'll stop now...
Pleasant Day all.... Carry on!
I'll have to go with the latter... Because (yes I'll tut my own horn) I'm a wonderful friend to have in your corner and losing my trust demotes you to an acquaintance...
I know we've all heard it before but still I must say it...
Trust is one of the most difficult thing to build in all relationships and yet the easiest to destroy.
Last night I got a phone call that completely obliterated my trust in someone I thought was a friend. Why would a "friend" purposely twist facts to make an innocent exchange into something malicious? I don't know.. all I know is I don't have an ounce of "Fake" in me. Ask Ms. Hill-Hill :)
I'm sorry I'm venting I'll stop now...
Pleasant Day all.... Carry on!
Monday, November 15, 2010
a GooD WoMaN!!!
This one isn't an original but it's beautiful nonetheless...
"A good Woman is proud of herself
She respects herself and others.
She is aware of who she is.
She neither seeks definition from the person that she's with,
nor does she expects him to read her mind.
She is quite capable of articulating her needs.
A good woman is hopeful.
She is strong enough to make all her dreams come true
She knows love, therefore she gives love.
She recognizes that her love has great value
and must be reciprocated.
If her love is taken for granted, it soon disappears.
A good woman has a dash of inspiration
and a dabble of endurance.
She knows that she will, at times,
have to inspire others to achieve the potential that God gave them.
A good woman knows her past
understands her past and moves toward her future.
A good woman knows God.
She knows that with God the world is her playground,
but without God she will just be played.
A good woman does not live in fear of the future because of her past.
Instead she understands that her life experiences are merely life lessons,
meant to bring her closer to self-knowledge and unconditional self-love."
I think I'm almost there!?!?!?!?!?!?!
"A good Woman is proud of herself
She respects herself and others.
She is aware of who she is.
She neither seeks definition from the person that she's with,
nor does she expects him to read her mind.
She is quite capable of articulating her needs.
A good woman is hopeful.
She is strong enough to make all her dreams come true
She knows love, therefore she gives love.
She recognizes that her love has great value
and must be reciprocated.
If her love is taken for granted, it soon disappears.
A good woman has a dash of inspiration
and a dabble of endurance.
She knows that she will, at times,
have to inspire others to achieve the potential that God gave them.
A good woman knows her past
understands her past and moves toward her future.
A good woman knows God.
She knows that with God the world is her playground,
but without God she will just be played.
A good woman does not live in fear of the future because of her past.
Instead she understands that her life experiences are merely life lessons,
meant to bring her closer to self-knowledge and unconditional self-love."
I think I'm almost there!?!?!?!?!?!?!
Thursday, November 4, 2010
InsOmnIA!!!
12:30 AM
As I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my SOUL to keep...
Sleep should soon follow...
5 mins...
"It's cold tonight... I forgot to put on my socks"
*gets up and puts soft, comtfy socks on... returns to bed*
"Hmmm... still cold!... Do I have another blanket in the linen closet?... Dang... I really need to do laundry this weekend, this is getting ridiculous _____ (insert name)... you just have too many draws, doesn't help that you just went out and bought some more last weekend... SMH something is seriously wrong with you.... NO not really _________ (insert name) said he does it and I'm pretty sure we're not the only two who do it... ...I have to finish this paperwork tomorrow night... Need to stop slackin'... Gotta finish that personal statement too... Dang so much to do, so little time... It sure is cold tonight... Probably should've put on clothes... Don't really feel like getting up to do it now though... TV sure is LOUD...
*looks for remote... turns down volume*
"Much better"... BLANK ______________________ *watches TV*
33 mins...
"I really need to sleep... these kids have been on my last nerve for the past two weeks... I'm already cranky in the morning not sleeping is not going to help any... God I wish _________ (insert name) was here!!!...
*turns around and vacates her side of the bed*
"Ummm... I can almost feel his presence... Heat starts to rise..."
*turns pillow vertically and puts head on it*
*imagines arms... starts whispering all the things she wants to say or wish she had said...*
58 mins
*can no longer hear the TV*
"It's definitely warmer in here... I wonder if ______ (insert name)or ______ (insert name) touched the heat after I fixed it..."
*Eyelids are getting heavier*
"Before I fall asleep I need to do this"
*Picks up phone, hits menu, selects messages, chooses new message, types in:
"GOODNIGHT!!!"... and sends it to him!!!
Sleep soon follows...
As I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my SOUL to keep...
Sleep should soon follow...
5 mins...
"It's cold tonight... I forgot to put on my socks"
*gets up and puts soft, comtfy socks on... returns to bed*
"Hmmm... still cold!... Do I have another blanket in the linen closet?... Dang... I really need to do laundry this weekend, this is getting ridiculous _____ (insert name)... you just have too many draws, doesn't help that you just went out and bought some more last weekend... SMH something is seriously wrong with you.... NO not really _________ (insert name) said he does it and I'm pretty sure we're not the only two who do it... ...I have to finish this paperwork tomorrow night... Need to stop slackin'... Gotta finish that personal statement too... Dang so much to do, so little time... It sure is cold tonight... Probably should've put on clothes... Don't really feel like getting up to do it now though... TV sure is LOUD...
*looks for remote... turns down volume*
"Much better"... BLANK ______________________ *watches TV*
33 mins...
"I really need to sleep... these kids have been on my last nerve for the past two weeks... I'm already cranky in the morning not sleeping is not going to help any... God I wish _________ (insert name) was here!!!...
*turns around and vacates her side of the bed*
"Ummm... I can almost feel his presence... Heat starts to rise..."
*turns pillow vertically and puts head on it*
*imagines arms... starts whispering all the things she wants to say or wish she had said...*
58 mins
*can no longer hear the TV*
"It's definitely warmer in here... I wonder if ______ (insert name)or ______ (insert name) touched the heat after I fixed it..."
*Eyelids are getting heavier*
"Before I fall asleep I need to do this"
*Picks up phone, hits menu, selects messages, chooses new message, types in:
"GOODNIGHT!!!"... and sends it to him!!!
Sleep soon follows...
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Long Overdue!!!
I don't know when it happened...
I have sincerely looked back and can't pinpoint the exact moment it happened...
... I FEEL LIKE EMOTIONS ARE WEAKNESSES!!!
I sincerely believe that I am a good enough friend. I say good enough because although I am caring, compassionate, dependable and almost always available... I firmly believe in self-preservation and that belief sometimes keeps me from going the extra mile sometimes. What most don't realize is that I can be all of the fore mentioned adjectives without allowing myself to feel more than I'm willing to feel.
Well with every year I get older and I'm beginning to realize that might be just a tad problematic.
I operate as if I have very little emotions... not to be confused with me thinking that I have very little feelings... On the contrary, most times I feel so much that I have to repress most of it to keep from burdening others with them. As a result I keep myself from expressing almost all feelings that should be expressed.
This philosophy puts a strain on the relationships that I have... whether they are platonic or romantic...
I found myself writing the longest email of my life recently because after 6 years I was spilling out everything that has ever hurt/bothered/annoyed/gotten on my nerves out after almost a year of being probed/pushed/pressed to share my feelings... Why did it have to come to a point where our friendship was on the line for me to open up???
Frankly I don't know... I sincerely wish I could answer that... and Now that I've noticed it in this relationship I can't help but see patterns in all my other relationships.
I can tell you that it annoys me more than anything that I'm realizing this because I usually fix PROBLEMS to the best of my abilities but I'm not really sure this one is one that I even WANT to fix...
Life has been good so far why change it?
I have sincerely looked back and can't pinpoint the exact moment it happened...
... I FEEL LIKE EMOTIONS ARE WEAKNESSES!!!
I sincerely believe that I am a good enough friend. I say good enough because although I am caring, compassionate, dependable and almost always available... I firmly believe in self-preservation and that belief sometimes keeps me from going the extra mile sometimes. What most don't realize is that I can be all of the fore mentioned adjectives without allowing myself to feel more than I'm willing to feel.
Well with every year I get older and I'm beginning to realize that might be just a tad problematic.
I operate as if I have very little emotions... not to be confused with me thinking that I have very little feelings... On the contrary, most times I feel so much that I have to repress most of it to keep from burdening others with them. As a result I keep myself from expressing almost all feelings that should be expressed.
This philosophy puts a strain on the relationships that I have... whether they are platonic or romantic...
I found myself writing the longest email of my life recently because after 6 years I was spilling out everything that has ever hurt/bothered/annoyed/gotten on my nerves out after almost a year of being probed/pushed/pressed to share my feelings... Why did it have to come to a point where our friendship was on the line for me to open up???
Frankly I don't know... I sincerely wish I could answer that... and Now that I've noticed it in this relationship I can't help but see patterns in all my other relationships.
I can tell you that it annoys me more than anything that I'm realizing this because I usually fix PROBLEMS to the best of my abilities but I'm not really sure this one is one that I even WANT to fix...
Life has been good so far why change it?
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