Friend

Do I use the term loosely or are people just untrustworthy?

I'll have to go with the latter... Because (yes I'll tut my own horn) I'm a wonderful friend to have in your corner and losing my trust demotes you to an acquaintance...

I know we've all heard it before but still I must say it...

Trust is one of the most difficult thing to build in all relationships and yet the easiest to destroy.
Last night I got a phone call that completely obliterated my trust in someone I thought was a friend. Why would a "friend" purposely twist facts to make an innocent exchange into something malicious? I don't know.. all I know is I don't have an ounce of "Fake" in me. Ask Ms. Hill-Hill :)

I'm sorry I'm venting I'll stop now...

Pleasant Day all.... Carry on!

a GooD WoMaN!!!

This one isn't an original but it's beautiful nonetheless...

"A good Woman is proud of herself
She respects herself and others.
She is aware of who she is.
She neither seeks definition from the person that she's with,
nor does she expects him to read her mind.
She is quite capable of articulating her needs.

A good woman is hopeful.
She is strong enough to make all her dreams come true
She knows love, therefore she gives love.
She recognizes that her love has great value
and must be reciprocated.
If her love is taken for granted, it soon disappears.

A good woman has a dash of inspiration
and a dabble of endurance.
She knows that she will, at times,
have to inspire others to achieve the potential that God gave them.
A good woman knows her past
understands her past and moves toward her future.

A good woman knows God.
She knows that with God the world is her playground,
but without God she will just be played.
A good woman does not live in fear of the future because of her past.
Instead she understands that her life experiences are merely life lessons,
meant to bring her closer to self-knowledge and unconditional self-love."

I think I'm almost there!?!?!?!?!?!?!

InsOmnIA!!!

12:30 AM
As I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my SOUL to keep...

Sleep should soon follow...

5 mins...
"It's cold tonight... I forgot to put on my socks"
*gets up and puts soft, comtfy socks on... returns to bed*

"Hmmm... still cold!... Do I have another blanket in the linen closet?... Dang... I really need to do laundry this weekend, this is getting ridiculous _____ (insert name)... you just have too many draws, doesn't help that you just went out and bought some more last weekend... SMH something is seriously wrong with you.... NO not really _________ (insert name) said he does it and I'm pretty sure we're not the only two who do it... ...I have to finish this paperwork tomorrow night... Need to stop slackin'... Gotta finish that personal statement too... Dang so much to do, so little time... It sure is cold tonight... Probably should've put on clothes... Don't really feel like getting up to do it now though... TV sure is LOUD...

*looks for remote... turns down volume*

"Much better"... BLANK ______________________ *watches TV*

33 mins...
"I really need to sleep... these kids have been on my last nerve for the past two weeks... I'm already cranky in the morning not sleeping is not going to help any... God I wish _________ (insert name) was here!!!...

*turns around and vacates her side of the bed*

"Ummm... I can almost feel his presence... Heat starts to rise..."

*turns pillow vertically and puts head on it*

*imagines arms... starts whispering all the things she wants to say or wish she had said...*

58 mins
*can no longer hear the TV*
"It's definitely warmer in here... I wonder if ______ (insert name)or ______ (insert name) touched the heat after I fixed it..."

*Eyelids are getting heavier*

"Before I fall asleep I need to do this"

*Picks up phone, hits menu, selects messages, chooses new message, types in:
"GOODNIGHT!!!"... and sends it to him!!!

Sleep soon follows...

Long Overdue!!!

I don't know when it happened...

I have sincerely looked back and can't pinpoint the exact moment it happened...

... I FEEL LIKE EMOTIONS ARE WEAKNESSES!!!

I sincerely believe that I am a good enough friend. I say good enough because although I am caring, compassionate, dependable and almost always available... I firmly believe in self-preservation and that belief sometimes keeps me from going the extra mile sometimes. What most don't realize is that I can be all of the fore mentioned adjectives without allowing myself to feel more than I'm willing to feel.

Well with every year I get older and I'm beginning to realize that might be just a tad problematic.

I operate as if I have very little emotions... not to be confused with me thinking that I have very little feelings... On the contrary, most times I feel so much that I have to repress most of it to keep from burdening others with them. As a result I keep myself from expressing almost all feelings that should be expressed.

This philosophy puts a strain on the relationships that I have... whether they are platonic or romantic...

I found myself writing the longest email of my life recently because after 6 years I was spilling out everything that has ever hurt/bothered/annoyed/gotten on my nerves out after almost a year of being probed/pushed/pressed to share my feelings... Why did it have to come to a point where our friendship was on the line for me to open up???
Frankly I don't know... I sincerely wish I could answer that... and Now that I've noticed it in this relationship I can't help but see patterns in all my other relationships.

I can tell you that it annoys me more than anything that I'm realizing this because I usually fix PROBLEMS to the best of my abilities but I'm not really sure this one is one that I even WANT to fix...

Life has been good so far why change it?

Settling Down!!!

After 23 long year, Ms. Bougettho is finally settling down.

I've found a man who is tall, athletic, and smells good...

A man who makes me think that it may all be worth it...

Who makes me want to say "I DO"... "I do want to be with you more than I am afraid of being hurt by YOU"

A man who is constantly on my mind...

Who I pray for more than I pray for myself...

Whose happiness sometimes proceeds mine...

Whose aches and pains are debilitating to me...

Whose dreams make me strive to achieve... to reach...

The mere thought of him, lights me up from inside out...

When he smiles, it lights up his face and turns my insides...

Whose looks make me weak...

Whose touch turns me to mush...

Whose kiss sets me on fire...

Whose heart I never intend to break...

... should he choose to give it to ME

I can't believe it myself but it's finally happening to me...


APRIL FOOL...OR ARE YOU?

FAITH

How is it?

How can you have such unwavering faith in someone when there are so many reasons showing you... proving to you... that maybe... just maybe that that faith is undeserved... unmerited???
Others look at you and think: "STUPID"
HMPH!!!You look at yourself sometimes and think: "STUPID, NAIVE,... SIMPLETON" (and the list goes on)
Yet... the faith is still there. UNWAVERING. TENACIOUS. UNMOVABLE.
Just then... your gut... your instincts... call it what you like... reminds you why that is so...
How do I explain this?
Have you ever been 100% sure of something?... As sure as you knew the sun would rise the next day... the earth goes round...Barack Obama is the president of the United States of America...the heart beats
That's how sure I am that he wants me...
HUH? What did you say I couldn't hear you... No Please, tell me...
...So what's the problem then you say?

(DEFEATED CHUCKLE)

Fall Festival!!!

So...
I teach the pre-K class at Eighteenth Avenue Family Enrichment Center... a non-profit organization whose mission is to positively impact the lives or quality of life of children and their families by responding to the needs of the community through center-based & outreach programs. Because our center is so small and not-for-profit, a lot of fundraising fall on willing teachers.
With that said...
We're planning a fall festival and would greatly appreciate your input on what would be the best course of action.
We've picked out a date, September 25th, 2010 and we also have a rain date. The overall theme of the festival is going to be Health Awareness.
We plan on having vendors all day long... a fashion show put on by the children... a relay race portion of the day... and a SHOW to close the day with... All of this would take place between 10am and approximately 3pm.

Now we need sponsors... vendors... volunteers... organizations who are willing to help... anything else you can possibly think of...

Throw some ideas around and help me out please...

Sincerely,

Sheila B.

CoNTaCT!!!!

It begins...

With the eyes... Compelling you to come closer... Calling Out! Inviting!!

Your head tilts... left or right depending on the contact...

Your lips part... ever so slowly... and so minute that it's barely noticeable... obvious only to...

Now close enough... the nose...the smells it intakes heightens all previous sensations... so sweet, so good, so..... ummmmmm...

Your brain is impatient.... when is it going to happen... anticipating...

Your face gets hot...

And just when you think... this is going to take forever...

KAAAAAAABOOOOOOOMMMMMMM!!! CONTACT!!!!

Your skin... it gets warmer... the tingles start in your crown... Your hands ball into fists in an attempt to make them stop... but they continue to work their way to... your stomach... your center... your tights, your legs, and toes... while you try real hard not to let them show! ... but you can't help yourself...

Your hands... they just can't seem to find a place that satisfies you... shoulders, no... back, not quite... neck, ummm maybe... cheek, close... real close, but not completely satisfying...

Your heart goes into overdrive... as a result...

You think your blood volume doubled... because you feel the [deoxygenated blood from your body flow through the superior and inferior vena cava(s) to the right atrium through the tricuspid Av valve into the right ventricle to the pulmonary valve through the pulmonary artery into the pulmonary vein to the left atrium into the bicuspid ( mitral) valve through the left ventricle into the aortic valve to the aorta and finally returning the oxygenated blood to the body]...

Your senses are heightened...

Your center... moistened...

Your legs weakened...

... and just when you feel... CONTACT... TOO MUCH...you separate...

And right before you start to miss it all.....

The cycle starts all over again...aaaaaaaahhhhhhh!!!

There's nothing like Human Contact!!!

AAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!

Tell me something...

Why is it that we always gravitate towards the things that we know have great potential to cause us pain????
Why do we want the things that we know we can't have????
The signs are there.... and sometimes they are blatantly obvious....
But because we've filled our heads with "what ifs", "maybe this", "maybe that", "I need this", "I need that","maybe you...not just you but you AND I are wrong",..... and believe me the possibilities are endless... endless I tell you...
Enough so that you want to.... you just want to sssssscccccccrrrrrreeeeeeeaaaaaaaaammmmmmm.... and pull your hair.... and hit something.... rip things apart......until...
You forget just how frustrating and painful things really are because the light has managed to ever so sensually seep through the crack for a fraction of a second and you're temporarily blinded...
You no longer remember the pain, the frustrations, the fog, the questions, the uncertainty, the feelings of unworthiness and being mediocre (misplaced as they may be but real nonetheless) that are daily torments...
But the light is so bright and invoke such a tremendous feeling of contentment that even though you know... with the same certainty that you will take your next breath, that the sun rises in the morning, that GOD is real... that the light's existence is ephemeral you still allow it to feed that warm feeling inside of you that.... makes you want something that you know has the potential to cause you great pain... makes you want something that you know that you can't have....
WHY???????
WHY???????
Heart heavy... you convince yourself that it is better to not care beyond a certain point... because once you've past that threshold not only are you in uncharted territory....(choke) you're not SURE if the excruciating pain that will follow is even worth IT.
All this... the uncertainty, the "not being sure", the unwillingness to live with regrets keeps this cycle going until YOU... ONLY YOU... can say ENOUGH is ENOUGH.

BUT WILL ENOUGH EVER... EVER BE ENOUGH???

I HAVE A DREAM!!!

This is long overdue...

Like Martin Luther King Jr. I like to think that we all "Have" dreams...
Take a minute to think about it and you'll agree...

I dream of a world....
--Where mankind loves itself
--Where human being Love others as they love themselves
--Where children are loved for the innocent beings they are
--where malnutrition, hunger, poverty are next to non-existent
--where all diseases are curable
--where peace reigns
--where joy is abundant
--where love transcends all, moves mountains, and never causes irreparable damage.

It may seem unattainable but I'm sure a lot of people thought Dr. King was out of his mind too :)

Love!!!!

To attrack Love, we must become Love--- Anonymous

The soul needs love as urgently as the body needs air--- John O'Donohue

The Lover of life makes the whole world into his family--- Baudelaire

Love is a mystery in a mystery--- Vincent Van Gogh

I celebrate myself and sing myself--- Walt Whitman

I am he that aches with Love. Does the earth gravitate? Does not all matter, aching, attrack all matter? So the body of me to all I meet or know--- Walt Whitman

Joy is a net of love by which you can catch souls--- Mother Theresa

The minute I heard my first love story I started looking for you, not knowing how blind that was. Lovers dont finally meet somewhere. They're in each other all along--- Rumi

Romantic love is a universal human feeling, produced by specific chemicals and networks in the brain--- Helen Fisher

Spread love everywhere you go. Let no one ever come to you without leaving happier--- Mother Theresa

Love is a fundamental Human drive. Like the craving for food and water and the
maternal instinct, it is a physiological need, a profound urge---Helen Fisher

The only thing that live forever is Love--- Elizabeth Kubler Ross

Love is giving somebody the power to hurt you, but trusting them not to--- Anonymous

"When two Scorpions make a love match, it is a fierce tempest of intense passion. Both are obsessed with one another, and they move forward in love, sex and romance at an accelerated — some would say foolish — way. Personal relations are positively steamy but, to the equal and opposite extreme, disputes will also be frenetically powerful. This relationship could go either way: It will either be the most wonderful thing in the world or a destruction of both involved.

The romantic merger of two sexy Scorpions can bring out the best in both love mates; each will use their intense emotional and intuitive natures to love their partner very deeply. Resolve and passion will keep these two together. The most powerful and threatening external forces will have a difficult time intruding on the happiness of a truly committed Scorpio couple. If they can wrangle their ardent energies, this power pair can set off fireworks." (Courtesy of yahoo horoscope compatibility)

I'm extremely ecstatic and ready for LoVe!!! Come find me!!!

Religion: The Oppressive Tool!!!

So we're sitting in Chili's the other day and Tyler Perry and Spike Lee came up...

Basically it boiled down to this: Spike is a better filmmaker than Tyler Perry but NO ONE can out rightly say that Tyler Perry does not have a positive impact on his community through his films.

Some time during the conversation my friend (let's call him Phil_ICE_Sopher) said something that stuck with me... He said during slavery religion was used as an oppressive tool which I agreed with but then he proceeded to say that this is still true today and that's when he lost me. He went on to explain that Black people have this ENDURE type of mentality that keeps them from doing for themselves. He said that religion is the reason why people are that way: ENDURE today for a BRIGHT tomorrow.

MY THOUGHTS...
I do agree that Black people tend to be complacent more times than not but is it really because of religion?
I believe that there is only one God, whether you are Christian, Jewish, Muslim, Hindu, the only thing that differentiates them is the way in which the individuals who practice these beliefs choose to worship. And whichever you practice you believe that your GOD will always protect you and want what's best for you. But like I said before life is all about the choices you make, you need to make the first step before God can guide you through the other 99 steps. I don't believe religion is oppressive because everyone should stand for something or else they'll fall for anything. What you choose to do with the information each of these beliefs provided you is yours and yours alone. People choose to sit around and and let life happen to them instead of making life happen for them, religion is not to blame.

Religion is an institution practiced by human beings who are far from perfect.
How one chooses to practice the institution isn't the institution's fault so to say "religion is oppressive" is far-fetch because religion doesn't practice itself nor is it there at every corner telling you "this is how it's done". Religion is a tool and just because some use it to oppress others does not make the institution itself oppressive.

Thank you and The End

Nice To Make Your Acquaintance!!!

I earned the name Sheila B. my freshman year in college. One of my close friends, (let's call her, Mother Hen) told me I was the only person she knew that was both boogie and ghetto (still trying to figure what exactly gave her that impression) therefore dubbed me Sheila Boughetto. The name stuck with me throughout my undergraduate career and every now and then it comes out of hiding.

Sheila B. is a Scorpio and a Tiger (Scorpio for American astrology and tiger for Chinese zodiac).

I like to think I'm a misanthrope at times, but deep down I have an unwavering love for human kind. I believe people are innately good and their environment slowly but surely will suck it out of them if they allow it. I work on keeping every ounce goodness I possess and refuse to allow the actions of others to deter me from my journey to perfection. Some may call me naive because of some of the principles I live by but I believe I have just the right amount of reality to keep me grounded.

My Principles:
Treat others as you would like to be treated...
Treat others as they want to be treated...
Every life is precious...
If helping another doesn't physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually put you at risk it is an obligation not a choice whether or not you should help.

Life is all about the choices you made, you make, and will make... but bad things do happen to good people (pardon the cliche) at no fault of their own. It is your job to:
prevent these bad things from diminishing the goodness in you
turn them into a learning experience that embellishes not debase the person that you are
and believe (just as you believe the sun will rise in the morning) that you are capable of things beyond your imagination with a little help from the Man above.

Till next time,

Beaucoup de Baisers :)